SAUDADE~a Portuguese word.
A word which describe the longings for someone whom you loved and then lost. There is probably no other word in any language which describe the feeling of love that remains so beautifully as this word.
Whether you have lost them to circumstances or to death. Either way the emotion remains the same. They are no longer physically available for you. They are out of the circumference of your arms no matter how far you stretch it around the circle, they are not there to hold it. They are no longer there to catch you when you fall. They are no longer there to hold your hand to say “I’m here.”
You want to embrace them so tight that you’d never let them go, but they have already gone so far from your reach that even if you call their name the thousand times over and over again they can’t hear you. Or even if they hear, they ain’t coming back. They are lost and not found, ever.
But what would you do with all the love that still remains inside of you for them? Neither can you forget it nor can let it go. It hurts. It aches. It makes you weak. It makes you sick. You can only cry and let it all out. The yearning which can never be replaced with something else. The void which is never going to be filled. You do everything to distract yourself away from it. At the end, you’re again back to square one. No matter what you do, you feel numb to bones. The grief takes over your senses. The lost loved one has taken all your excitement along with them… forever.
This feeling won’t be understood by those who have not yet tasted the pain of loss from very close. The love which if given a chance you’d shower on them like a hurricane and place your heart at their feet. Nothing on the face of earth can outweigh that feeling of loss.
They say with time everything heals. That certainly is not true. We learn to live with a crack in our soul and bitter-sweet memories. All we can do is give out the love we have for them to the world and a little to ourselves too. Let them know that they were loved and will always be missed. Let them go if they had to because you loved them, and it’s the time that they should leave you for your own good.