Knock-knock at the door of your heart!
I want to tell you something… Will you listen?
Don’t worry I won’t take much of your time.
Just wait for a little longer so that I could tell you the things I never told to anyone.
I want to begin from my childhood. When I was aloof and weird. I had very few friends. Why I was a dude more than a dudette. How I used to be scared of cockroach. And why I was always alone.
Coming to my teens. I was a mess. An emotional wreck. How socially awkward I was and why I never liked talking to strangers. Perhaps, I was afraid of finding my cure in them. I’d tell you about the torn pages of my diary in which I attempted to write hundreds of suicide notes. How I used to carve marks on my body with a blade to find a map to peace. Why I never slept at nights. Why sometimes I needed to listen to my heartbeat to realise that am still breathing. How anxiety and depression have fucked up with the wires of my brain in a way that at times I shut down completely. Why inflicting pain felt like a pleasure to me. Why I used to cry in the shower where nobody could hear my scream.
Right now, am in a better place. Though, I’d tell you how much I envy “the happy family” concept. Why I never speak to my brother. How much I miss my late mother and what I felt the day I lost her. I’d tell you about my love-hate relationship with my father. And why he means everything to me now.
I shall tell you so many things that might not be relevant to you. But you should know. Only if you stay a little longer, I’ll sell my soul to you.