How To Disappear- An Art Found In Broken Hearts.

“Loss” had never made much sense to me until the day he left. I discovered the art of disappearing when I found myself lying on the cold bathroom floor; my body aching in places I didn’t know existed.

I wake up at 2 am
On the side of the bed that was supposed to be yours
Now the room smells of old letters and broken promises
The sheets wrinkled in the same way they were when you left
And there is a silence so loud that it penetrates my soul
I twist and turn
I disappear.


I turn on the tap
And the cold water falls on me
Piercing my body like a thousand needles
All at once
And it reminds me of the night you gingerly kissed my femininity
I sink and hide
I disappear.


My naked body touches the floor where we once lay
Your fingers tracing constellations on my body
Till you reached your space
And entered me with such a force
I thought the poetry inside me would spill any minute
I fold and fight
I disappear.


I try to save myself
From the fire that your love started
And just as I begin to see the wide black sky
The air fills my lungs so fast that it burns
I see the smoke that arises from my fingertips
Has begun to form the shape of your face
I choke and hide
I disappear.


I think of the years we spent together
And it’s like swimming through a sea of broken glasses
Each memory is painfully beautiful
And as I pick up the pieces of my shattered life
It both excites me
And kills me to see
That the pieces are beginning to spell your name
Once again
I bleed and fade
Everything disappears.

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