An open letter to my late mother.

To my Mumma,

I miss you a lot. Everyday. Everytime. With every breath. There is nothing which doesn’t remind me of you. Infact, I should tell you when I don’t miss you! I wish you were here with me right now like you always were. My shadow. My lifeline. My everything.

My friends tell me I have changed since your departure. They say I have become calmer, quieter, and composed. I think they are right. I zone out in between the conversation. I don’t talk to people much. I try to stay alone most of the time. I try to keep myself occupied all the time even if that include sleeping. I have stopped giving a damn. I just take care of my sanity.

There is a lot to tell you. First of all, I want to hug you so bad. I want to sleep next to you. I want you to cook for me. I want to go back in time when you were there. I want to do all the things we used to do together, again. I just want you to be my side.

I want you to meet my friends whom I love to death. I want you to show how wonderful they are and how blessed I am to have them in my life. I feel extremely happy around them. Simran is still my bestfriend, though. Don’t worry, that’s never going to change. I still remember how biased you were toward her and how much you adored her.

I want to tell you that my relationship with Abba has become better with time. And my relationship with your son has become worse. We don’t talk, anymore. It’s been 9 months since I have heard his voice. I don’t even know how he is or what he’s doing these days. But I do care about him. A lot. I miss him sometimes, too.

I want to tell you about a guy who likes me, but I can’t like him back. I’m scared of attachment. I’m scared of getting hurt. You know that. I don’t want to be anyone’s anything. Not for now, atleast.

At last, I wonder at times that my life would have been much better and I would be much happier if you were here. I do envy people those who have the luxury to embrace or call their mothers whenever they like. I wish you weren’t gone without bidding a last goodbye. It was just about one day. You should have waited. You promised you’ll wait, but you ditched me. I hate universe for taking you away from me so much. I love you

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