I was not born motherless. For 19 years of my life she was with me through every thick and thin phases of this uncertain journey of life. And I love writing or talking about her.
During my schooling I had very friends. The reason being my aloofness. I’m extremely choosy when it comes to making friends. So, the only friend I always had without any condition was my mother. She was always there. She always watched over me. She never complaint about my nuisance behavior. Let me tell you that it was not an easy job to brought up a daughter like me, especially the way I was in my teens. I was wrecked and messy. She was my constant in the world full of variables.
Below are few points which will show how does it actually feel being motherless:
When something good or bad happens to you and the first person you want to tell is not there, it hurts a lot. Fuck that shit!
When you’re living away from home and during festivals everyone celebrates it with their family, but you just stay alone crying.
Some days will be absolutely fine. You won’t miss her that much. But some days will hit you like a rock and the pain will intensify to the level where it will make you physically ill.
When people around you complain about their mothers (parents), and all you want to say, “Shut the fuck up, please! I’d give up anything to have my mother yelling at me for no reason.” Be greatful that you still have a mother, dude.
When noone is there to ask you why were you late or did you eat anything. Nobody loves like a mother does.
You wanna stab the person who says, “She’s in a better place” or “Time heals everything.” There is no better place than being with her own daughter & time heals nothing. You just learn to live with it.
When your friends still eat food cooked by their mothers, or when you see them hugging their mothers, or even when you hear them talking to their mothers. It makes you hate the universe for taking her away from you too soon.
When you realise that she will never see you graduate. She will never meet your boyfriend. She will never see you as a bride. She will never raise your kids.
It breaks your heart when you just woke up from sleep and by mistake the first thing you do is to check your phone if you have got any calls from your mother, and then it hits you hard that in this lifetime it’s impossible to ever get a call from her.
All you ever want is to get her back for once. Not a single person or thing on earth can replace her in your heart. She will always be there and you will always miss her even during the days when you’re super happy.